TORIE BORELLI HALL
I had the courage to share, in the hopes that I wouldn't feel so alone anymore, this was shared on Instagram September 13th, 2020, 2 days after the confirmation of my miscarriage. Hundred's of women responded, wrote messages, and shared their experiences. I wasn’t alone anymore.
“Last week I had a miscarriage. Being a woman is hard enough. Then try having a baby. It seems so easy from an outsiders perspective, but let me let you in on a little secret, (that shouldn’t be a secret), it goes way beyond simply having sex. It’s scary, it’s painful, and most of all it’s isolating.
Even as a nutritionist and health expert my road to motherhood thus far has been far from easy. It’s been frustrating, it’s been self destructive, and most of all heartbreaking.
I took a lot of steps to get my body ready for pregnancy. It took patience, research, and time. From food, Acupuncture, herbs to bio-identical hormones, and endless lab tests.
I am sharing this for one main reason, in hopes I help at least one woman, not because I want sympathy. Because 25 percent of women have a miscarriage. Let me restate that, one out of four women lose a baby but NO ONE is talking about it. Because we are a culture full of secrets. But why? Why do we hide when we are pregnant for 3 months and then if we miscarry no one knows? Why don’t more women share their stores if this is a “common” circumstance. Why do we blame ourselves? Why is it so sad and isolating. And why doesn’t anyone tell you how bad it hurts?
It’s not just like you’ll try harder next time. It’s emotional, it’s knives and blood, and again no one is supposed to know.
I am writing this as someone who also has struggled with infertility and I’m not alone; one out of 7 women also struggle. A week ago today I had been counting down the minutes until our ultrasound. To see the baby, and guess what? Nothing was there. It spun me into a deep dark place, a place I don’t want anyone to ever be, without resources or community.
Ya I knew the statistics, but one thing was I never thought it would happen to me. Why not? I guess I felt like after every health issue that I’ve been though I would finally get one break. But my light, my silver lining, is sharing my story so other women start to become less isolated. My hope is that we have less guilt. Why not let my journey help others? I feel so hurt. I feel weirdly ashamed. And I feel so bad for every woman who had to do this alone, in secret. For the women who haven't even told their families they were pregnant, how isolating to be miscarrying alone. Every one of us has a different journey but to me this pain unifies us as women. Let's work harder to help each other.”