Stories and Experiences

The hardest thing during that time was feeling alone and incompetent. I seriously thought I was the only one, when you’re going through it, even though I had my husband and mom by my side, you just feel alone for lack of a better word. You feel like you’re the only one going through it. Not to mention the pain, I had never felt pain like that before. It was like I was in active labor for hours upon hours.

… even though I had my husband and mom by my side, you just feel alone for lack of a better word. You feel like you’re the only one going through it.

Constantly going to the bathroom and getting rid of the discharge and desperately searching for my baby to come out as I passed every single clot. I chose to do it naturally and let my body figure it out. Those were the longest 2 weeks of my life. My Ob was very helpful at answering any questions and I was able to go back and see him after the miscarriage process officially begun so that he could remove a large clot that was stuck. When I saw his face during the ultrasound my heart definitely sank, because immediately I knew something was wrong, I was crying my eyes out when he sent me downstairs to get the lab work.

When his nurse called me on accident and said that my labs looked ok, I was extremely hopeful only to find out she had made a mistake, because I told her I had seen the labs and the levels were way below what the doctor had said. So that’s when she realized that the doctor would have to call me so I had to wait for him to get out of surgery so that he could call me back and tell me the bad news.

I still hold a special place in my heart for my baby.

Even after I had my fourth baby, my rainbow baby, my heart still yearns for my angel baby. He was mine, and I’m so sad I didn’t get to meet him.

What helped me a lot afterwards was sharing my story, you won’t believe the outpouring of messages I got from family and friends who had gone through the same thing. It was so helpful to see that others had gone through this too, that I wasn’t the only one. That’s what helped me the most, to not feel alone.

This was written after my first miscarriage –

I woke up sad | angry <<< I had a dream I was pregnant and when I woke up to the realization I no longer was, I cried. Uncontrollably. I found comfort in the messages & comments so many of you bravely left for me . . . sharing your stories of loss and heartache, but { continued faith to keep going } Miscarriages happen more often than we care to admit and I was once again hit with the harsh, but comforting reality [ 1 in 4 ]

>>> I AM NOT ALONE <<<

So, I got up, got dressed, put on mascara, cried, washed my face, tried again (2 more times) then finally looked at my dogs and said “EF IT!… A WALK IT IS!” As I started to walk, I began to cry. The harder I cried the faster I walked. My walk quickly turned into an “almost run” (and this girl does NOT run! I might power walk for a bottomless mimosa bar, but that’s about it)

So inevitably, I ran out of steam. I sat down near the river, defeated. I looked up between tears (let’s be honest, straight ugly crying) to see Doesha gently nudging a pinecone in my direction, begging me to throw it- while not sure rolled around in the grass like the happiest cow-dog ever. >> I couldn’t help but smile. I’m alive! My dogs are happy! My business is growing! It’s a beautiful day, I am loved and LIFE IS GOOD ((( so of course I did what any normal person would do, I took a picture )))《 S I L V E R • L I N I N G S 》are EVERYTHING!!!!

Don’t get me wrong, SHIT SUCKS!

But, if we can try to see the positive in the midst of all the bullshit, then we are WINNING! Focusing on the good doesn’t make the bad stuff any easier, but it does shine light on the fact that this is OUR LIFE, OUR JOURNEY and it is OUR CHOICE to keep living, to keep being, to keep loving, to keep trying, to keep winning!

♡ Friends, no matter what life throws your way, your story is not over! I encourage you . . . KEEP GOING! Cuz let’s face it, if you are still reading this, I applaud you! —> YOU ARE A WINNER <—

I am a mama of one beautiful boy. My pregnancy with him was very easy and joyful. Because we didn’t have an issue conceiving, we decided to wait until the age gap we wanted before trying for our second. Well the second time took longer. After months, we got our good news. When I went in for my 8 week appointment (without my husband because of Covid), there was no heartbeat. There’s not really words to describe that moment. All I remember is my doctor saying “this is called a missed miscarriage”. I had never heard of the term.

She said my baby measured at 6 weeks which meant it stopped growing two weeks prior to my appointment. She informed me that my body still thinks I’m pregnant and that it may take time for the miscarriage to “complete”. So much information thrown at me while also trying to process what was happening. I wanted it to happen naturally and it took 2 more weeks of waiting and grieving for it to happen.

All I remember is my doctor saying “this is called a missed miscarriage”. I had never heard of the term.

The waiting was hard. Not knowing who to tell and how to say it was hard. Finding out that insurance doesn’t cover the cost of miscarriage appointments was hard. It’s all hard.

We are now 2 months post miscarriage and ready to try again but now there will always be a little fear, a little anxiety wondering, will we hear a heartbeat?