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ALLISON TARTARI

I am sharing my story so I might help just one woman know that they are not the only one who has felt this way or was treated a certain way. I was 19 years old and a mother of a year-old little boy when I found out I was pregnant with my second child. I was approximately 12 weeks when I went in for an ultrasound there was no heartbeat. Although my OB was truly kind, he did say a sentence that some women after a miscarriage have heard before, “You are young, you can try again soon”. Even though this is the truth, it did not help ease the pain.

 

As most parents, I had already been daydreaming about if it would be a boy or a girl, and which side of the family he/she would look like. It is crazy how quickly your dreams and plans can die in an instant. I remember leaving the doctor’s office with no information or understanding of what my body was going through or what was going to happen in the following days ahead. My husband wanted to go walk around the mall. He did not understand how I felt and did not know what to do or what to say, or better yet, how to support me. I experienced a lot of bleeding and contractions, more than I felt giving birth because I had an epidural with my first. There was emotional pain and physical pain at the same time. I felt very alone, because the pregnancy was so early, only close family members knew and most of them were not supportive at all. My mother did try to help me, but she was more emotional than I, so it caused me more stress. One day I was watching the Oprah show, and then entire show was on miscarriage and infant loss. It was the first time I felt like I was not crazy. There were other women feeling sad, lost, and unsupported. It sounds funny to say but Oprah was the first person to make me feel supported.

My own experience as a mom and a licensed midwife motivated me to help create the “Box for Loss”. I know there are families suffering through a pregnancy loss and I want them to know what to expect and have tools to grieve. To have educational support, to have to resources and support to know normal and what is not. My biggest hope is that this box will bring the loving support we need during such a difficult time.