I have struggled to write my story, but I know that it's important that I share this with all of you...My loss came after already being a mama to two beautiful babies. The thought of another baby was beautiful and overwhelming. I struggled with coming into pregnancy and expanding into a family of five. When baby number three didn’t stay, I had deep feelings of sorrow, sadness, shame and guilt. All these feelings were intertwined with sighs of relief. Becoming a mama of three felt scary to me. I was able to pass the baby without any medical intervention at home, I withdrew to my room cried, sang, slept and bled. It felt like giving birth, I could feel the contractions, my baby was just months old. I was told by a midwife that sometimes when you have other kids it is easier, you shift your focus so quickly to the children that are here, requiring your attention. I thought my partner and I gave intention to this baby, I thought I was passed it, that I was healed. I since then have had two more beautiful babies. My heart and home is filled but I continue to realize that we are never “past” it. It just shifts and changes.
Recently, I was serving a laboring mother, it was gorgeous, she was swaying with her surges, “Birth is so powerful, the energy is so powerful, we have the power to heal anything.” She asked me if I had healing to do, I answered, “yes” and began to walk to her. She looked me in the eyes and began, “it was a baby boy, you lost a baby boy.” I began to bawl, my throat was tight, my chest heaved, and the tears rolled down my cheeks. Here I was in her home, supporting her as a midwife and she is supporting me through a loss that occurred nearly 7 years ago. She urged me to revisit my process and give my baby a name, something we didn’t do at the time. My partner and I came together days later, revisiting those moments in our lives, we named our baby. Vega Eleutero Patricio Petrich was my third baby, a baby boy. Thank you for reading, sending so much love and positivity to you.