PLEASE REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Miscarriage is fairly common, but rarely shared. Anytime a woman becomes pregnant, her whole world shifts. Whether classified scientifically as an embryo, blastocyst or fetus, this small babe has likely shifted your life in every way. The moment we find ourselves pregnant, our hearts, bodies, minds and souls begin to expand. Our thoughts and imaginations run free, we begin to see this new life, see ourselves and our partners differently. Our current path starts to shift, as we plan for our new future. Oftentimes we envision it all, our baby, ourselves as mothers, our partners as parents, our parents as grandparents. When we are met with miscarriage we are met with all this loss. The loss of a life, not only the life of a baby, but the loss of our lives with this baby. It is important to give intention and mourn your loss. traditionally postpartum, we want mothers to rest.
Unfortunately, because we are advised to not share our pregnancy until we are past the 1st trimester, many women mourn this loss and suffer in silence. It fills us with sadness, guilt and shame. You are not alone most women experience miscarriage, anywhere from 10-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.
Pregnancy is a joy to be shared, often with great joy we find great sadness. Give yourself space to grieve, go outside, find something that draws you in, maybe a flower or rock, a seashell, have a memento for this pregnancy. Meditate on what this life has brought you. All children bring lessons and transformation, what has this little soul given you? Give this little one a name, maybe you knew the sex? Maybe you had an intuition about their personality? Remember that passing a miscarriage is like giving birth, your body was flooded with hormones to support this pregnancy, then flooded with hormones to birth it and now your hormones will drop postpartum.
Mothers need to rest postpartum. Take at least 4 days to really rest in bed, nourish yourself, stay warm and cared for. Call a friend to support you or bring a meal, if you have other kids, have someone help out or take them for an afternoon or day.
Give yourself space and understanding in this huge hormonal shift that normally takes nearly a year, and is happening very quickly. Share your story, we urge you to make an appointment with a Midwife. Certified Professional Midwives (CPM’s) support women during and post miscarriage and are an excellent resource.
We see you. We support you. We are here for you.
The Box for Loss Team
OUR STORIES ARE MEANT TO BE SHARED
I am sharing this for one main reason, in hopes I help at least one woman, not because I want sympathy. Because 25 percent of women have a miscarriage. Let me restate that, one out of four women lose a baby but NO ONE is talking about it. Because we are a culture full of secrets. But why?
Torie Borrelli Hall
Even though I don’t talk extensively about my issues, I still didn’t want to feel isolated. I wanted my partner to understand. I didn’t want those around me to see me and pretend that nothing had happened - at the same time I didn’t necessarily want to talk about it. It was this weird dichotomy and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I just needed support in a way I didn’t know how to get.
I didn’t leave my house for a week. I felt intense shame, but at the same time I felt compelled to be public about it. Like anything these days, it’s not official until it’s on Facebook. I took to my social media outlets to let the cat out of the bag. I assumed I’d get well wishes and condolences, but the feedback I received was completely unexpected.